A Thousand Words!

A thousand words. I've heard the expression many times...a picture is worth a thousand words. This morning I was nominated to post my first ever profile picture on Facebook. This is it! I caught myself staring...gazing, wanting to go back.

This picture filled my mind. It opened a past, a journey, a story. In seconds, I remembered the day, the trip. I remembered the man in this picture. I starting missing Gord, our relationship. Then in disbelief, I remembered the day he died, my journey since he passed and where I am today.All this came to me in seconds.

I still catch myself often in disbelief. Did this really happen? Sometimes it still all feels like a bad dream and I wonder if I will ever wake up to the life I once knew. It pulls on the depths of my emotions looking at the truth, realizing reality. Realizing all that is lost!

Such a great picture of Gord, a great picture of us. It depicts Gord's great character, I see his content nature. He was carefree, yet so caring. He was fun, yet so responsible. He really was my best friend, a man I could share my whole heart with, my whole self with.

This picture reminds me how much fun we had together, how much we enjoyed each other. This was a picture of our first drink as we embarked on our honeymoon along the inside passage for an Alaskan cruise. This picture reminds me that we were both so passionate about the mountains, the outdoors, nature and adventure. This picture reminds me of the love we shared in the early stage of our relationship and how it only became deeper and fuller with time.

I'm still trying to piece the puzzle together, make sense of this all. It seemed like I waited so long to find this great person, a wonderful marriage... an amazing father. Why was it taken away from me?

Then it comes back to me...it doesn' t matter why! Getting stuck on the why....keeps me stuck in a place that has no answers.

Words of wisdom I once heard.

" It doesn't matter why, what is more important is how? and what?

How am I going to live with this? How am I going to grow from this? How am I going to use this? What am I going to learn from this? How is this going to make me stronger, a more evolved human being? How is this going to help me become a part of the human story?

There is so much in this life that can seem unfair, challenging and sometimes even life altering. Gord's death isn't the first time I've wondered why? Why did this happen to me?

Life happens! Everyday! Trials can be seen as a curse....or an opportunity to grow, learn, transform and become a more compassionate, loving individual.I can get stuck on the why....or I can focus on the how and the what. How am I going to best live this life?