Getting Real with Reality

An experience like losing a spouse at young age jolts a person. It awakens you. Like any other time in my life I am faced with making choices.

Over and over I've had to face truths, reality. I can choose to avoid, deny, run and escape or I can be candid and authentic. I've done both.

What I have learned.

I have learned that facing reality often times is hard. It often undermines my ideals, my hopes  and my dreams. However, in facing reality...a new perspective emerges, new possibilities, new dreams and new understandings. It takes time, often weeks for me to find acceptance, but when I do I am liberated! I am no longer held to something that wasn't meant to be.

I have had to get real about my status, my identity, my kids life. I've had to get real about my limitations.  I've learned how to dream but have realistic expectations. It's a new balance. A quote Gord refereed to often, " Hope for the best and plan for the worst." To me this is the balance between optimism and realism.

As a natural optimist I can get lost in a dream world where life should follow straight lines and always have fairy tale endings. But I'm coming to see life is more like a white water ride. There is destinations but the path is unpredictable with unforeseen challenges. I'm learning to trust in the ride while being mentally prepared for these unforeseen challenges.

I'm adjusting my attitude and expectations.

The dramatic valleys I've had to face this past year is changing my world view.

I have two choices.

I could become a cynic and bitter that this life can seem to be full of chaos and unpredictability. I could live in fear that every turn could bring another tragic hit. I could be angry that I lack power in how my life unfolds. I could be riddled in self -pity that I have had to bare so much struggle, responsibility and trials. I could spend my days in misery...because I lost a man, a relationship that filled me in a way nothing else ever has. I could spend everyday comparing this new life of spending evenings alone, weekends often  alone to  my life that was full of conversation, companionship, support, love and fun.

Choice number two.

I can accept that life is unpredictable and often can seem chaotic but in the same breath still believe that there still is in fact purpose. I can believe that struggles, trials and even tragedies can be used to build me, make me stronger....give my life new understanding and new meaning. I can look around me and recognize that everyone has a story, everyone has struggles, everyone has pain and that misery and self pity is not going to add to my life. I can adapt and see that this opens new opportunities to have new passions, gives me time to build stronger bonds with friends and family.

A couple of days ago I took Noah to a coffee shop, we had a drink and cookies, It was a sweet one on one moment. He smiles and laughs so easily. We hopped over to the pet store for a visit next door. I watched him fill with thrill and excitement to observe each little creature. We played with kittens and watched fish dance about. It was one of those relive your childhood moments when you can vicariously live through your child's eyes as they become full of awe and wonder.

On the way home I felt a grin on my face, My heart swelled at the joy I had the pleasure of sharing with my son. It was long lasting, it was real, it was simple....joy.

So often I am faced with a gloomy cloud as I try to watch TV alone in the evening...and there is just no way to recreate that feeling. That feeling of love and security I had with Gord. That warm feeling. But it is lifting, I'm watching a NETFLIX TV series that Gord would never watch. It's so chick flick. Decent for a chick flick! I look forward to it, it fills a certain part of me. I'm making efforts to make the most of this single time.

The point I'm making is that my reality is often less than I would like. I could spend my days in waiting, waiting for the grass to be greener, feeling disappointment and discouragement or I could see that my reality, that my grass is still green right now.

I'm learning to squeeze the most out of the good moments, squeeze the most out of relationships, get the most out of today. I'm learning to roll with the bumps and challenges. They are apart of life, apart of every story, every adventure and every fairy tale. I'm learning to be open to change, to possibilities...to opportunities. I'm trying to get the most out of what I have, what the world still has to offer today.

Getting real with reality  can be disappointing, but accepting reality is liberating
and will lead you sooner to the place you are called to be. If I spend to much time missing the past and wishing for the future...I might miss what joy there is to be found today.