Missing the simple things....Tonight I'm experiencing tears of grief. Surprisingly, its not a result of packing for a trip without my husband, nor because I need to set up a Christmas tree without my husband. Tonight I'm reduced to tears because I miss visiting with him after supper.
Most evenings after supper the boys would disappear into the basement and watch their favorite shows or chase each other around in circles. Leaving dishes unattended, Gord and I would make our way to the living room and melt into the sofas sipping on tea or red wine, We would discuss, debrief, plan for our weekends, our holidays...our future.
Tonight after supper, the boys quickly drifted downstairs...the dishes were left. I sat in a quiet living room....and all I could do is remember.
I can picture him lying the full length of the couch; his hat hanging off the top of his head with his hair fluffing out the sides. I can hear him talking out his day, trying to find new angles to solve problems at work . We both were always so free to talk, to share. We were so comfortable! It was a time of on ongoing inside jokes, we would discuss TV programs, the latest news, and our daily news. We shared our highs and lows, our failures, our fears, our dreams...our successes.
This little routine brought so much comfort to my life. This little moment in our day is where we filled each others cups again. It is when we reconnected,
I could remember it all, it didn't make sense again. He is gone!
Danny heard my sniffle. He asked if I was OK.
I reminded him that his dad and I use to visit every evening and that I really miss that right now.
Danny nodded his head in agreement and then pointed beside me on the couch and replied, " But mom.... he is right there."
My tears of grief changed. I was reminded that I do often feel close to Gord.
Danny came in for a snuggle. I inquired if he often feels like dad is close by.
He replied, " All the time and he hugs me every night too."
Aw!
There are so many special moments we share with our loved ones. There are so many profound memories....However the memories that I seem the most emotionally attached to are often the memories of the everyday, the ordinary, the routine. It was in the everyday where I felt loved, deeply connected and cherished by Gord. It was in the everyday that we worked together, where we build each other, where we encouraged each other.
This reminds me to appreciate the ordinary days. The days where I see the same friends I often see, the days where I chat with family on the phone. The days I spend time with my boys....just doing ordinary, everyday things. This is all really extraordinary. I have to appreciate today.....because now I know it is what I will miss the most.
Gord is here with me in so many ways...I have two little angels that bring him to me so often...
P.S Thanks for letting me debrief....Now...it's time to get the dishes done ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment