It's Saturday moring...I'm in my pjs, drinking coffee. I made french toast this morning, snuggled with my boys. I've been on the computer listening to music. I've made new routines and it's starting to feel normal...
I feel happy today, I feel proud that I'm finding my new life and it's good.
...But....I still want to share it. I feel happy and I miss Gord at the same time. I can feel him with me now...always...inside.....but I miss the humanness...the hug, his voice...his laughter..his smile.
Saturday mornings were some of my favorite moments with Gord. Coffee, conversation and Gord. He always had so many topics running in his head. It could be so random. So interesting! He would get excited! He would get excited about his own ideas. It was hard to turn it off. He would get going and lose himself in his own ideas. But I loved it!
We valued each other more than our house, our garage and our yard. I tried to stay on top of it all...because predictably on weekends we just enjoyed each other, just enjoyed our family. The morning would get away from us and then in the afternoon it would be time to have fun with the boys and many Saturday evenings we would find a way to sneak away for a date night.
Sometimes I think he knew...
This past summer we had so much fun! I have so many memories having a blast with my husband, with my family. We had dates almost every week last summer. We went mountain biking, for dinners and movies, we went to concerts and music festivals. Gord always included me. He invited me to all the " evening safety meetings," ( Code for drinking at pub with coworkers).I'd ask him if other wives would be there and he would reply that he didn't care, he wanted me to come.
We had endless fun with the boys. We went to the beach, the spray park, every park in town. We went to the cabin and we went camping. We went for many walks and bike rides. He was with us!
Everyday I feel like I am getting closer to Gord in a different way, in a special way...but today I wish I could see him, be with him....just to have a hug from him.
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