It's a new life!

I dreamed a dream

Lately my mind seems to want to travel in the past. It seems like drawing on previous life experience is helping me to understand my life today and build a future for tomorrow.

I had another dream!

Gymnastics! Age 4 I recall watching the Olympics. There was a gymnast igniting the floor. I was in pure amazement at her capabilities. I can remember thinking that she seemed super human. I immediately wanted that. I wanted to be super human! Within months I had mastered a cartwheel...I was always working on a new skill. Finally age nine, I was registered in classes. I moved quickly through levels. My parents saw my passion and encouraged it. I had my own mats and beams in our basement. It was my favorite past time.  I would dream, imagine, fantasize the perfect routines. I imagined and believed one day I would compete in the Olympics. Age 14 I began to compete.That is quite late for gymnastics. But I was in love and that was all that mattered. I had a great year, not too intensive...mostly fun! One of my favorite aspects of being on the competitive team was to the opportunity to watch the other gymnasts that competed at higher levels. I was so inspired!

The following year, if I had made the team again I would begin competing provincially and potentially against western Canada. I couldn't believe the potential for my dream was appearing right in front of me. I was going to have to train up to 20 hrs a week. I loved the idea of training 20 hrs a week. Gymnastics was my world where I felt fully alive. My teens were some of the most painful years in my life and gymnastics is where I found my refuge. My purpose!

I clearly remember a summer morning visiting with my mom. She took this moment to inform that in September she was not going to register me for gymnastics. She explained to me that the demands of the competitive program was beyond what our family could handle. We lived 20 minutes away from the gym, and there were still 3 other kids in the family that had needs too. It was done! In that second...my dream ended. All of it!

I can't really recall how I felt. I imagine it was surreal, I imagine I was devastated.

It wasn't a part of my plan to be Olympian! It was a dream!

I can look back and tell you with my entire heart that I'm grateful that I had not continued as a competitive gymnast. I confidently know that there was a much better plan in store.

I started to coach. Gymnastics and children. My two favorite passions. I coached for 12 years. I loved every minute of it. If coaching gymnastics provided a career that offered as much as teaching I would probably do that instead. There was nothing more thrilling than embarking on a journey with another gymnast. I worked mostly with the  precompetitive programs. I played a huge role in recruiting for the competitive program. I seemed to have good judgement for body type, attitude and potential. I loved working with gymnasts in this stage because it is this stage where the truest passion lies. When you aren't there yet! When you have to work for it. When you can see it! When you are dreaming!

As inspiring as the higher level gymnasts were; they lacked a certain passion. They now had to cope with pressure, intensive training, constant criticism, extremely high expectations. It is a highly technical sport. There is often more failure than success once you approach high competitive levels. It is dangerous, it is hard on the body. Gymnastics is known to stunt growth. Many gymnasts who competed at high levels never reentered a gymnastics facility ever again after the day they quit. They lost their passion. Many gymnasts lose the pleasure of their sport once they are pushed beyond their own desire.

I will always have a passion and love for the sport. And although I do suffer from some chronic injuries, it could of been worse.

I lost Gord on a high. It is so devastating to lose this dream. But all I have left are fond memories. I will always be able to fully love Gord and I will always have a passion for marriage.

I recently read that it 's not about letting go of the person you loved.... it's about letting go of the loss of that person. It' time to move forward with my new life. It wasn't part of the plan to be married to Gord for another 40 years, it was a dream.It's time to be open to new dreams. I need to believe in the possibility that there is actually room for a better plan. One thing is for sure...there is in fact another plan for my life

...And that is true whether I choose to accept it or not.

I choose to accept there is a new plan!

 "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life."

- Micheal Buble