Nothing is personal

I'm sensitive. I feel so much, I absorb so much. I'm a thinker. I can over think, over analyze. Gord was so good to help me bring my mind back into focus. He would help me to see the bigger picture. He would help me to not take the world personally.

Initially when Gord died, I took it personally. I thought the world, the universe and perhaps even God might have something against me. I thought maybe this is a test, a consequence...a lesson. But that is not true. It's not personal. Sometimes people die and it's not's my fault nor do I deserve it, nor is it personal.

I've been transferring this concept to life...to people. Life continues to happen. If I take it personally...then I will spend much of my time being offended, bitter, cynical. But I'm starting to realize that most times life is not personal.

My hardwood, my floor is damaged. It has caused me anxiety and it has undermined my sense of security. It has undermined  my ability to trust that life will run smoothly. I was initially taking it personally. But realistically, logically....the fridge leaking has absolutely nothing to do with me. The fact that I need to get my floor fixed does not for a second change me.  It is an outer stressor that I have to cope with. Taking it personally is not going to improve my life. Accepting that life isn't always going to run smoothly is a reality I need to face.

People hurt me sometimes. Like I said, I'm sensitive and analytic. I also read people for fun all the time.I 'd like to think I'm a good judge of character. Gord thought so. He also thought I needed to spend more time looking at the big picture and not take people to personally. I'm starting to do that. I'm starting to believe that people are generally good natured...they are just  coping with their own hurt wounds. I'm starting to really see that it's not personal...it's about them.

I'm also learning how to protect myself. I'm learning how to have healthy boundaries. I'm learning how live in this world with others and be safe. Most of the protection comes from accepting that people are human and may hurt me but that doesn't have to change the peace I have in myself. The truth I already know about myself. The truth that I am good person, trying to make the best of this life. The truth that I am weak, that I make mistakes, that I have fears, that I hurt others too. The truth that I would prefer to not hurt others,that I'm usually trying to improve myself, to challenge myself, to be honest with myself. The more I face reality the less it has power to hurt me because it was never personal in the first place.

None of us deserve pain or a hard times. We all will experience pain whether we deserve it or not. We will all experience hard times whether we have earned it or not. It is a part of life...all we can do is choose how to live with it, how to grow from it, how to use it. I could spend my life hiding from pain...avoiding trials...but that is pointless..because they will happen anyways. I won't end up with much of a life. And from my personal experience, life can be short. I'm learning not to expect life to run smoothly, or that all my relationships will always be easy, I'm learning to trust myself that I can cope with it, learn from it and have the strength to endure hard times. There are too many good times to be had to allow life to slow me down.